Not The Only One

Another Halloween has come and gone.  This year we had a dinosaur, vampire, and Snow White (returning for the second year in a row).   Holidays like this are always such a stark reminder of just how not babies my babies are.  Once again I just wasn't in the Halloween spirit this year.  We didn't even go to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard.  The few free hours we had were cold and rainy and the kids weren't in to it.  I definitely wasn't into it.

This year, as if I needed more of a reminder of how fast my kids' childhood is slipping away, the social media trend seemed to be "Halloween from years gone by".  Everyone, at least in my "friend" feed was posting year to year Halloween pictures of their kids.   As I was busy liking and loving everyone's past Halloweens I came across a post that stopped me in my tracks.  In her post she stated that she felt like the Scrooge of Halloween and that what was once fun now felt like work.

YES.  So much yes.  The fact that someone else was feeling the same way and that I wasn't the only one excited for Halloween to be over, well, it almost brought me to tears.  She had posted my feelings exactly.  Que the guilt...what is wrong with you, wishing your kids' childhood away.  What kind of a mother are you  who doesn't want to embrace and enjoy these magical moments with your family.  But that post planted a tiny little voice that whispered not the only one.  And it was just what I needed.

Here's my dirty little secret.  I don't like Halloween, not one bit.  It makes no sense.  I love candy.  Dressing up is fun.  But I dread it in the same way I dread homecoming week and all of its dress up days, because the truth is, it does feel like work.  It feels like another chore, something else to squeeze on to the to do and shopping lists.  It feels like so much pressure to consult the Pinterest handbook to make it memorable and magical from costumes to meals to decorations.  And that voice screaming at me but if you don't make them a supper that includes a jack-o-lantern face and witches toes you'll RUIN their childhood!!  Maybe it's the fact that my kids are getting older, but I'm getting better at silencing that voice.  Well, maybe not silencing but at least turning down the volume.  Or maybe it's just that I've developed another voice.  One that firmly say it's FINE.  You know who says that all the time to me....Cora.  She's always telling me "it's fine, Mom".   I think that voice in my head is actually hers.  Like I always say, I want to be Cora when I grow up.

So what did Halloween actually look like this year?

Halloween looked like Halloween lights and pumpkins on the porch, but no hanging witch hats or cobwebs.  I actually did enjoy the witch hats hanging last year, but with the windy weather I decided to hang them from the ceiling downstairs in the daycare area.  And it was just fine.

We did eventually get pumpkins.  The kids and I looked the Saturday before while running errands at Target.  Only 2 left.  So when we got home I sent Luke and the kids to check at Fareway.  Nope, gone.  So they ended up driving back to Rochester and picking the prize pumpkins of Fleet Farm's crop.  And it was just fine.

2 kids old enough to handle their own knives this year.

Halloween looked like getting costumes ready the night before to take to school and finding a huge rip down the front of Sylvie's Snow White costume.  I don't sew.  I don't usually even have safety pins in the house.  Although, as luck would have it, I just ran a half marathon and my race bib with four safety pins attached was still laying on the laundry room counter.  So at 8pm we pinned Sylvie's costume and packed it into her bag.  And it was just fine.

For daycare this year I told the kids to bring their costumes if they wanted.  They all wanted to put them on as soon as they arrived, but then were ready to have them off by breakfast.  They had them shoved back in their lockers before I even got a picture.  But, it was fine.  Actually that was better than fine because look at the independence of them being able to dress and undress themselves in a costume without my help.  That made me really happy actually.  Happy enough that when I asked them if they wanted to put them back on later so I could get a picture and they all said "nah" I told them it was just fine.

After school looked like complete chaos as I tried to get the daycare kids' Halloween costumes packed back up (making sure not a mask or wand was forgotten).  As we were putting on coats and hats and mittens and shoes for outside the doorbell started ringing upstairs in a way that can only mean children are at the door.  Before I knew it the thundering steps of 5th grade boys running through the house filled my ears followed by
"where's Beau?!"
"how do you open this gate"
"dude just jump over it"
"where's Beau?! We had to sneak in through the garage"
followed by more thundering up the stairs, doors wide open.  Somebody must have figured out how to actually open the gate because now the dog is out on the rug with all my littles stealing all their hats and mittens back off.  Meanwhile the baby just spit up and needs a full outfit change.

Where even IS Beau?  Deep breathes.  Just get them outside, I can do this.  I did and it was just fine.

Supper was a quick pan of tacos, and then upstairs to do makeup.  The obligatory picture of the kids in costumes with Beau urging me to hurry up so he could meet his friends at the bus stop by 6.  Picture a giant inflatable dinosaur meeting up with a gorilla and inflatable sumo wrestler and you get the picture.  Seeing my dino boy run waddle down the road to keep up tail and head wiggling from side to side was hilarious.  Beau was allowed to go off with his friends with specific instructions to stay in the neighborhood, and remember to say thank you.  He ran off without a glance backward to make Halloween memories that I will hear about instead of be a part of.  And it was just fine.

As we left with the girls we stumbled across a couple of my daycare families and joined up with them.  Cora and a friend stayed with us but we let them run a block or so ahead.  Sylvie stuck close to us and wanted to stay with her daycare friends.  My favorite part of the night was when she and her little daycare friends went up to a house that had a bucket out on the front porch.  There were only a few pieces left and when the last little girl went to grab one it was gone.  She could not fathom that the fact that the bucket was empty meant she had to move on to the next house to get candy.  She was not moving without some candy going into her bucket.  So, what does my sweet little Sylvie do?  She reached into her bucket and handed the little girl a piece of her candy.  Crisis averted and they skipped off to the next house.  Not only is Sylvie just generally sweet, she's also been raised since birth in a daycare household and has learned that a small sacrifice to keep the peace is always in everyone's best interest.  She ended up getting cold before everyone else so she and I began the trek back home by ourselves and it was just fine.

Every Snow White needs a woodland creature.

 Luke and Cora met back up with Beau and came home shortly after.  They dumped their candy and ate a few pieces before heading up to brush their teeth and bed.  I didn't even get a photo of the whole candy haul, but, it was just fine.

So truth be told I didn't consult pinterest once this Halloween season, didn't plan any special excursions to make magical family memories, no special meals or decorations, the kids all ran off in opposite directions for trick or treating, and it was all just fine.  You know what, I'm good with just fine and I'm not the only one.

You know what I do love about Halloween though?  I love that in my mind it kicks off the holiday season.  Thanksgiving and Christmas....well that feels like work too, but it feels like work I love and look foreword to all year.  Bring on the holidays!